What I Thought I Was

This post is about what I thought I was, and learned I wasn't.

Hello, my name is Emily, and I'm a perfectionist.

I learned this about myself yesterday...but I think my subconscious has known about it for a lot longer than that.

I've had it in my head for many years that "being perfect" meant not admitting my mistakes, which meant ~    I was not admitting my humanity.

My reason for sharing this is not to draw attention to myself. I hope to pass along joy to those who may be struggling with this. 

I do enough, I try enough, I am enough. Sometimes enough isn't perfect. And that's where grace comes in.

My goal for today was to strive for mediocrity. 

Do I need to spell every word right?? No. Does my house need to be sparkling clean 100% of the time? No! Does my makeup need to be just right, my clothes nicely matched, and every hair in it's place? NO!

Honestly, after striving all day for mediocrity, I felt guilty. REALLY guilty. Guilty that I hadn't checked much off my to-do list. Guilty I didn't want to vacuum when I should have. Guilty I didn't do a whole endless array of things. But that's what they are, THINGS. 

What matters most is my interactions with people. And I excelled at that today.

This scripture appears to be a COMMANDMENT:

"Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect"(Matthew 5:48)

I lived by this scripture for years and used it as my excuse to act the way I did. At times I acted like a "holier than thou" type of person. 

Perhaps being on this earth and putting forth effort IS becoming perfect, even as Heavenly Father is. 

This life is a time to prepare to meet God, and that preparation changes me if I let it. But I can't allow the change if I already think I'm perfect and don't need anymore refining. 

Hooray, I'm human and I make mistakes!!

On a sidenote, this little guy comes pretty close to perfection, don't you think???

Life is good,

Emily